My son Builder is adopted. He has known he was adopted ever since he can remember. He knows his brother Bounce grew in my tummy. At three, he told me clearly, I was not his mother. I quickly informed him, although he grew in another Mommy's tummy; (f.y.i., much better toddler word choice than "birth parent" which I had used earlier with him...) I was his mom and his dad and I were very much definitely his parents. Throughout the years we have made a life book, talked about his birthparents, and written letters to them. It is a closed adoption so there are no replies or answers. I wish there were, to give Builder some more information about his "relatives." Maybe as a tween trying to figure out who your are, it would be helpful to have some extra people around to relate.
He is twelve now. Builder is full of ideas of who should be the boss, not us. Who should care, not us. And the daily "Why should I's" or "That's not my problem." He vocally states he doesn't want a brother, his actions reveal he doesn't want a mother, he recognizes he needs a father or perhaps just some adult to help him on his way to independence.
This incredible bravado is hard on the brother, mother, and father. And often the grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. We just want him to sort of like us and enjoy being around us. Is it really that hard? I do wonder. I know this is completely normal adolescent behavior. Tweens are trying their best to separate from their parents and childhood roles. But sometimes it seems amplified. Is it because of his Asperger's, ADHD, or being adopted? I am not adopted. I don't know how it feels. Tons of research and testimonials say it can be difficult. Maybe I should ask my younger sister. The sister, a year younger than me, that I didn't so much enjoy at my heels growing up. The one I often told, she was adopted, even though she wasn't. After all, there were no pictures of her until she turned two.
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