It is hard not to be upset by an Asperger's child's behavior. Why? Lots of reasons.
1. It appears selfish.
2. It seems manipulative.
3. It is usually extreme.
4. It appears disrespectful.
5. It feels horrible.
But the catch is, it isn't their fault. It is their wiring. It is their body's way of dealing with a world seen differently. I need to remember this fact, always. I need to never forget it even when their behavior that isn't so nice to people has me upset.
My child does not have crutches, a G-tube, or braces. He looks and acts like a normal 'tween. Totally. No offense, (as he would say in his Tween-speak), but he isn't. It isn't fair to treat him like a regular student, when he can't do the work load. It isn't OK to expect him to act as if he cares about others, when he just doesn't. It isn't OK to expect him to do anything, except what he wants to do.
He will do those other items to for others sometimes; but only if he thinks he gets something for it he wants. As for school, there is really no reason to do any of it in his mind, but he understands as part of the rules of school, you just do it.
From the mundane to the really important, it is I who must internalize how my son thinks.
I'm working w/a mom of 6, one w/Asbergers and ADD. PLEASE keep doing what your doing to enlighten us. It's a gift that we can't find at school or anywhere. In Az that diagnosis isn't acceptable to get help. It appears the child is a pain in the neck to teachers and syblings, no friends. I run a transitional innercity home for low income moms. No money for Asbergers counseling. Feeling helpless,frequent calls from teachers, a lot of bullying. Thx for this resource. SG @ House of Compassion
ReplyDeleteSG-So glad you found me...have been debating whether to pull the plug on this site. At times it seems too whiny, self-involved, and occaisonaly too positive for my own inner self. Read "hypocrite". That said, I am always finding new resources and people who are better at this than I. So here you go, my latest and greatest resources, kind souls, and needed advice. Check out and pass on the following:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.alternativeteaching.org
brand new from my neighbor to me today who has forged the path ahead of me..looks awesome!
easytolovebut.com
They have a book and lots of parents who are in my boat...a lifesaver, truly.
http://adhdmomma.com/ Lots of good info here, esp about meds and navigating schools
http://www.livesinthebalance.org
another great source for dealing with kids who don't follow the norm and need super-parenting
Hope this helps...I will reconsider my thoughts of hermitness, or wallowing alone.
I, too, have a son who is diagnosed with in attention/distractibility, and Asperger's. One of my son's biggest challenges is inability to recognize body cues. He does not always know when he is hungry, sick, or tired; my job is constant private detective as I search for the cause of his rage and lack of motivation. We are still working on self-advocation of needs so that we can help him, but this is an ongoing, daily process. Like you mentioned on another site, we must ensure that he gets plenty of sleep and food. Without these, he is a mess of negative emotions and super-sensitive sensory reactions.
ReplyDelete