Unfortunately, I know my son is bullied at school. I also know much of the time he probably doesn’t even know he is being bullied or made fun of by his “friends.” He has Asperger’s and ADHD. Understanding social cues and subtle facial gestures is difficult for my sixth grade boy.
I know fully that my son is often inappropriate with the words and actions he uses. However, my son is never mean spirited. He may be callous, cold, and unthinking. He may be insensitive and unresponsive to someone else’s pain, but he never tries to purposely cause it.
Through conversations with my other son, who is neurotypical and a year behind his brother in school, I am informed of the hostile acts and words said to my older son at recess or in the lunch room. Amazingly, my older son believes these other children in his grade are his friends. Ironically, the school staff also believes these other children are my son’s friends.
Well, I don’t. I know some of the children in my son’s grade are bullies. Their acts are planned out, cruel, and intended to be mean. I have seen my son’s face when he knows the Number One bully will be at an event he is going to attend. His face shows extreme fear even as he says hello to the other boy. He thinks they are still his friends. It has become apparent to me they are actually frenemies. By acting as friends, they can further target their acts.
Today, the bullies left the school yard and came to our home. Today was also my son’s 12th birthday. His “friends” decided to put shaving cream in our mailbox, on our cars, pumpkin decorations, and on the driveway. They had made an X, but after some internet research, I think they might have been trying to make a much darker symbol. Because we live in a small town, my husband managed to track the boys down quickly, report their “mischief” to their parents, and have the boys clean up the mess. Mostly.
The two offenders couldn’t erase the mess they had made of my son’s birth day. They couldn’t clean up my younger son’s dismay when he found out who did it and why he thinks they did it. The boys also were not able to get rid of the disgust I feel when I see them on the street skateboarding away.
I wonder if I should follow up. Do I call or email to let their parents know how glad I am the boys did make an effort to make reparations for their actions? Do I also call to say; by the way, what your boys did is vandalism? They could pay a fine up to $250,000 or spend three years in prison. Of course, they would not at this age, too many people are looking the other way when children misbehave, including my son, and often the bullies’ parents.
