So I got my gift early tonight...because it was such a good gift that I would love, hubby couldn't wait. He started talking about it about 3 weeks ago. How great and how perfect this particular gift was for me. I should preface by saying two things. 1. I hate surprises. Totally, can't stand them. 2. I hate getting an expensive gift after being asked for 11 months to "cut expenses" (like at Target! not Prada). So, tonight, the boys unveiled the best gift for me: an industrial size hand sanitizer that mounts on the wall. With refills.
Granted, their hearts and minds were in the right place. But...NOOOOOOO! Opening the gift, I immediately flashed back to my classroom a year ago where multiple children would line up to use said object and/or the numerous times the device never worked and secreted an oozing goop of slime on the floor for days. Not a warm fuzzy memory...plus the fact I was dismissed from said job for lower paid neophyte. And...really what does it say about me????
Nothing good. And even though I know I am overly-zealous when it comes to hand -washing...at least I am old school. Hand-washing. In a sink. With hot water and soap. Happy Mother's Day to me...germ-a-phobe! It is my nightmare realized...
Two years ago, I was subbing in a classroom and the students were writing about what their moms always say to them. I must admit my first thought was, "Oh no, my kids are going to say, "Did you wash your hands?" But later that night, I asked my sons what I always say to them and they said you always say, "I love you." Phew! But yet, hand sanitizer as gift???
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
What Would You Pay?
So...I did it. I ordered it. The radio ads say there can be a total transformation. We will see. It seems since my child was two...I have been searching for the way to parent him that will result in a well-behaved or least not defiant child. I recall 7 years ago, a neighbor I did not know yet, returning a box of 3 parenting books to me, she had opened the box accidently after the mailman incorrectly delivered them to her house. I was so embarassed! It revealed the truth, I was incapable of handling a 2 and 1 year old! However, she is now the mom of two teenage girls and we are best of buds! Well, 25 books later, 7 seminars, and uuhmmmm,... probably over $100,000 in therapies-here we are still looking for the Golden Ring. Because, our family is struggling...everyday and evening. This child is so hard and difficult. He is not "getting it." Lying, sneaking, stealing, swearing, really the worst thing is his not caring. Truly.
Is it our fault? Seems so. But why, the other child has none of these issues. The Total Transformation offers a money back 30 day guarantee. If it works we pay $300 to keep it going. An offer I can't refuse. What would you pay to help your family?
Is it our fault? Seems so. But why, the other child has none of these issues. The Total Transformation offers a money back 30 day guarantee. If it works we pay $300 to keep it going. An offer I can't refuse. What would you pay to help your family?
Monday, February 23, 2009
It Keeps Getting Better?
In the car, jamming to tunes without children in the back, and I hear Christina's newer song, "Keeps Getting Better". Got me thinking...does it keep getting better?
It actually feels like everyday I am living the math problem from fourth grade. It goes like this, "the snail goes up the well 2 feet everyday, and at night the snail slides back down 1 foot; how long until the snail gets out of the well?" I have purposely omitted how deep the well is...because who knows how super deep this well is we are in!!! I'm actually surprised we are still able to breathe some days.
So, at any rate, some days "I'm a super Mom" and other days "I'm a super...not so stellar mom". On the good days, I think, "I can do this, have been doing it and there is progress." On the bad days I think, "I can't possibly do this one more minute, he will never get it." And at night, we discuss strategies and evaluate the progress.
He is now just primarily verbally aggressive instead of physically. The horrible daily tantrums are minor and less destructive. Progress? I guess. Still feels like sliding down the well to me. But, I need to hang on to the mantra "Keeps Getting Better." Without it, there's no way the snail is getting out.
It actually feels like everyday I am living the math problem from fourth grade. It goes like this, "the snail goes up the well 2 feet everyday, and at night the snail slides back down 1 foot; how long until the snail gets out of the well?" I have purposely omitted how deep the well is...because who knows how super deep this well is we are in!!! I'm actually surprised we are still able to breathe some days.
So, at any rate, some days "I'm a super Mom" and other days "I'm a super...not so stellar mom". On the good days, I think, "I can do this, have been doing it and there is progress." On the bad days I think, "I can't possibly do this one more minute, he will never get it." And at night, we discuss strategies and evaluate the progress.
He is now just primarily verbally aggressive instead of physically. The horrible daily tantrums are minor and less destructive. Progress? I guess. Still feels like sliding down the well to me. But, I need to hang on to the mantra "Keeps Getting Better." Without it, there's no way the snail is getting out.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Obsession of the Week
We coined this phrase about three years ago when we noticed a pattern to Builder's incessant wants. Whenever he sees or hears about something...he must have it...IMMEDIATELY. We are talking, non-stop cannot think about anything else 24/7. The newest obsession always takes precedence over the current obsession so with some careful maneuvering , we occasionally, can get out of the repetitive loop.
When he was young, it was trains. High five on that one, it is a universal one. Apparently so is the dreaded "claw machine" that insidious stores house. Yet, after age five, obsessions are less common with non-typicals. Thus, the ASD child tends to stand out a bit more with their compulsions.
Some of Builder's most unique OTWs are a Batman costume (he got it), a wet suit (he didn't get it), office space, Razor dune buggy, dirt-bike, and a certain cleaning cart he fancied. It only takes a fleeting glance at something to cement it into his brain that he needs the item. I have only mentioned the top five, in an average day, there are at least ten others.
We use the Internet as a research tool to help him explore the cost and features of an OTW. He researches, he makes proposals and attempts to refute our logical objections to most of his OTWs. He asked me the other day to not try to "mind-distraction" him as he insisted he needed another Beanie Baby simply because he saw them for sale..
However, we are still accepting all ideas on how to mind-distract an OTW.
When he was young, it was trains. High five on that one, it is a universal one. Apparently so is the dreaded "claw machine" that insidious stores house. Yet, after age five, obsessions are less common with non-typicals. Thus, the ASD child tends to stand out a bit more with their compulsions.
Some of Builder's most unique OTWs are a Batman costume (he got it), a wet suit (he didn't get it), office space, Razor dune buggy, dirt-bike, and a certain cleaning cart he fancied. It only takes a fleeting glance at something to cement it into his brain that he needs the item. I have only mentioned the top five, in an average day, there are at least ten others.
We use the Internet as a research tool to help him explore the cost and features of an OTW. He researches, he makes proposals and attempts to refute our logical objections to most of his OTWs. He asked me the other day to not try to "mind-distraction" him as he insisted he needed another Beanie Baby simply because he saw them for sale..
However, we are still accepting all ideas on how to mind-distract an OTW.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Simplify
Still on vacation and I have noticed, I love being at a home where there isn't the "STUFF" of a family with children all over it. No endless school papers, projects, birthday gifts, toys from every and any place you have ever taken your children to...
Instead, Builder and Bounce are working out of two tiny carry-ons. 3 shorts, 3 shirts, and a sweatshirt. Quite honestly, add in some pants, and that is all they wear at home. Yet, at home they have triple the amount of clothes???!! Time to Spring Clean!
Same with toys, Bounce brought a PSP without a charger...and he's fine not playing it constantly as he is wont to do at home. A couple Beanie Babies, a toy car or 2 and he is content. Builder brought a stuffed dog. The duct tape was ready and waiting. We haven't really even had time for card or dice games. WHY? We are outside almost the entire day. Children do not need electronics, kits, or STUFF when they play outside all day.
It is not a new revelation by any means; but one that bears repeating. I understand many ASD children have a tough time outside, but finding a few activities your children enjoy outdoors is important. Builder can't bike more than 100 feet, but loves to scooter. He likes to look for birds' nest and birds and identify them. I was not that kind of kid, but if being a "birder" means building up Builder, count me in.
Of course, if it had rained everyday...that would be a different story. Last summer's trip out East!
Instead, Builder and Bounce are working out of two tiny carry-ons. 3 shorts, 3 shirts, and a sweatshirt. Quite honestly, add in some pants, and that is all they wear at home. Yet, at home they have triple the amount of clothes???!! Time to Spring Clean!
Same with toys, Bounce brought a PSP without a charger...and he's fine not playing it constantly as he is wont to do at home. A couple Beanie Babies, a toy car or 2 and he is content. Builder brought a stuffed dog. The duct tape was ready and waiting. We haven't really even had time for card or dice games. WHY? We are outside almost the entire day. Children do not need electronics, kits, or STUFF when they play outside all day.
It is not a new revelation by any means; but one that bears repeating. I understand many ASD children have a tough time outside, but finding a few activities your children enjoy outdoors is important. Builder can't bike more than 100 feet, but loves to scooter. He likes to look for birds' nest and birds and identify them. I was not that kind of kid, but if being a "birder" means building up Builder, count me in.
Of course, if it had rained everyday...that would be a different story. Last summer's trip out East!
Friday, February 13, 2009
Travel Plan
It always happens. I have just finished a three hour flight with Bounce and Builder. The chime has sounded and everyone, especially Builder is ready to get off the plane. No, really, Builder sees no reason he is not the first off the plane because, uuhmm..he wants off! The aisle-mate across from me stands up and says, "Your boys just seem so nice and well-behaved."
I grin from ear-to-ear because 1. I never hear this compliment anywhere else-ever. 2. 2 mini-bottles will do that. I smile and say, "That's why I travel." "They are much better behaved away from home. And so am I."
We have always traveled with our children. The way I see it, it is much easier to parent with other people than by yourself. You can be the type of mom you would be if you only had to "watch" your kids. In other words, you get to be a just a nanny while on vacation; at home, you are the cleaning lady, the cook, the dog-walker, the scretary, the grocery shopper, the constant picker-up-er-er, etc.
The children respond likewise when they know you are, to quote Oprah, "present" with them. Instead of mentally tabulating the 55 "things to do by the next hour", you can actually play and really listen to them. On vacation, the kids determine the activities of the day; thus happy kids. Happy kids=Happy Mom and vice-versa.
I grin from ear-to-ear because 1. I never hear this compliment anywhere else-ever. 2. 2 mini-bottles will do that. I smile and say, "That's why I travel." "They are much better behaved away from home. And so am I."
We have always traveled with our children. The way I see it, it is much easier to parent with other people than by yourself. You can be the type of mom you would be if you only had to "watch" your kids. In other words, you get to be a just a nanny while on vacation; at home, you are the cleaning lady, the cook, the dog-walker, the scretary, the grocery shopper, the constant picker-up-er-er, etc.
The children respond likewise when they know you are, to quote Oprah, "present" with them. Instead of mentally tabulating the 55 "things to do by the next hour", you can actually play and really listen to them. On vacation, the kids determine the activities of the day; thus happy kids. Happy kids=Happy Mom and vice-versa.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Junior
It has been 3 months since Junior arrived. He is named after Builder. Builder Jr, but goes by Junior. How and why would someone get a pet rat? Excellent question, one I also shared, especially after living in the city and not really so excited about wandering vermin. Plus, those tails are creepy. However, as a good friend put it, sometimes with an unconventional child you need to explore the unconventional options. This is excellent advice for the ASD parent! Therefore, after considering the gerbil, hamster, guinea pig options; we were getting gerbils! So I went to the pet store one month prior to Builder's birthday.
I was informed by the very helpful staff at Wilmette Pet, "Get a rat". Yup, "get a rat" for that 8 or 9 year old boy, the three teenage boys told me. Those were not words I wanted to hear looking at a white rat, with red eyes, and a long pink tail. But, I should listen to these boys with the superior look in their eyes. Apparently a rat is affectionate, comes when called, and won't run away from you. Naturally nocturnal, the rat can be switched to be more awake in the day. Really??? I couldn't commit that day; but did return home to do more research.
I recalled as a child spending endless hours searching for run away gerbils hiding behind the washing machine. The books and internet confirmed everything the staff had told me. So, on Builder's birthday, I did what I always do, if it is meant to be- there will be a sign. You know, from the Cosmos to guide me.
Walking into the store, one rat cage 75% off. That is one big sign! But is there a rat available? One rat, white and brown, brown eyes, grayish tail. Inexpensive and seemingly friendly, even I could get past that tail thing. Builder was overwhelmed, and bit apprehensive that evening accepting his new gift. However, in the past three months Junior has become a delightful addition to the family. Affectionate, comes when called, and easy to take care of for a nine year old boy!
I was informed by the very helpful staff at Wilmette Pet, "Get a rat". Yup, "get a rat" for that 8 or 9 year old boy, the three teenage boys told me. Those were not words I wanted to hear looking at a white rat, with red eyes, and a long pink tail. But, I should listen to these boys with the superior look in their eyes. Apparently a rat is affectionate, comes when called, and won't run away from you. Naturally nocturnal, the rat can be switched to be more awake in the day. Really??? I couldn't commit that day; but did return home to do more research.
I recalled as a child spending endless hours searching for run away gerbils hiding behind the washing machine. The books and internet confirmed everything the staff had told me. So, on Builder's birthday, I did what I always do, if it is meant to be- there will be a sign. You know, from the Cosmos to guide me.
Walking into the store, one rat cage 75% off. That is one big sign! But is there a rat available? One rat, white and brown, brown eyes, grayish tail. Inexpensive and seemingly friendly, even I could get past that tail thing. Builder was overwhelmed, and bit apprehensive that evening accepting his new gift. However, in the past three months Junior has become a delightful addition to the family. Affectionate, comes when called, and easy to take care of for a nine year old boy!
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