I get all the women's magazines and parenting magazines. I even enrolled in two middle school courses to learn about my middle school kid. (Actually the state required me to have them to teach this unique and unpredictable age). Prior to having children, I had considered myself an expert on this developmental stage. (Hence, I never took the classes). I taught in a middle school for over ten years. HA! Apparently teaching over 700 adolescents means nothing when dealing with ONE of your own. REALLY.
Apologies to all the former parents of my students for anything I said when I was single or married with no kids. I now know I am equal to the worst parents I ever had to deal with...I am a lethal combination of over-involved and under-competent. I know I am the one the teachers talk about in the halls and in the lunchroom (not in a good way). REALLY.
I appear as a slacker parent. And I know it. How horrifying is that to a teacher of teachers, right now? Very. However, I am the involved parent...I sign the assignment notebook, even though stuff isn't done and it will never be. Reading log...forgetta about it. Not going to happen. Explaining where the notebooks and folders are...gosh you got me, until I do a thorough Spring Cleaning or Summer Break rolls around. Same with the overdue library books.
Conferences are next week. Embarrassing. I have to talk to the single "me" when I was young and naive. I am considering giving her a stamped self-addressed envelope with enough postage for ten years from now when she wants to say sorry to me. She now has a ten year old and gets it. Because I will need it. REALLY!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
A Tween Day in School
Today I spent the day as an eighth grade student. All day in school. Started at 8:15...finished at 2:15. As part of my middle school course training, I had to to shadow a eighth grader. I happened to shadow a really happy, outgoing, friendly adolescent. The opposite of me in middle school. By the way, we called it junior high then, and we all were left to fend for ourselves on our own.
What I realized is important. It is a long day and they sit on very hard chairs. When I taught, I was always moving and leading the class in some way. Most days I got them moving. I now apologize for any day we didn't get out of our seats at least for a bit.
Some teachers are really not so good. Without a lesson plan, the class unravels into a free-for-all. Other teachers make you want to stay in their room all day.
And for parents everywhere... "we" (tweens) want rules, structure, and a game plan. It completely relieves our anxiety and need to perform. We hate a gap in the day's structure. We will fill it with noise, chaos, or technology, or just obnoxious comments.
If your child comes home from school stressed out. It might not be their fault. It is difficult to sit in a 50 minute class with an ineffective teacher. It is really boring. Also very loud. I felt anxiety after three classes of kids yelling out and teachers responding with inane comments.
Lunch? Not so relaxing. I barely had time to eat 1/2 of my lunch. No time to head to the bathroom if I wanted to be on time.
From class to class, I primarily sat in a chair. Mostly bored. The good teachers were great and my mind was busy the whole time. I felt good after being in those classes. I felt I had something to share or pursue. For example, if your child has a good teacher this year, send them a thank you and tell themm what they are doing right for your child. If your child doesn't have a good teacher this year, send them a note saying these kids just can't sit in a chair for more than 20 minutes.
What I realized is important. It is a long day and they sit on very hard chairs. When I taught, I was always moving and leading the class in some way. Most days I got them moving. I now apologize for any day we didn't get out of our seats at least for a bit.
Some teachers are really not so good. Without a lesson plan, the class unravels into a free-for-all. Other teachers make you want to stay in their room all day.
And for parents everywhere... "we" (tweens) want rules, structure, and a game plan. It completely relieves our anxiety and need to perform. We hate a gap in the day's structure. We will fill it with noise, chaos, or technology, or just obnoxious comments.
If your child comes home from school stressed out. It might not be their fault. It is difficult to sit in a 50 minute class with an ineffective teacher. It is really boring. Also very loud. I felt anxiety after three classes of kids yelling out and teachers responding with inane comments.
Lunch? Not so relaxing. I barely had time to eat 1/2 of my lunch. No time to head to the bathroom if I wanted to be on time.
From class to class, I primarily sat in a chair. Mostly bored. The good teachers were great and my mind was busy the whole time. I felt good after being in those classes. I felt I had something to share or pursue. For example, if your child has a good teacher this year, send them a thank you and tell themm what they are doing right for your child. If your child doesn't have a good teacher this year, send them a note saying these kids just can't sit in a chair for more than 20 minutes.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Love You Forever
As many of you know...I love the book Love You Forever. I really cannot ever read it without tearing up. Ever. I know, as much as I "blog", I know what the B stands for...I already miss these days. Just like I already miss those days that were so long and so busy and so filled with the constant needs of little kids. I miss strollers; they kept them captive. I miss car seats; they limited movement. I miss Mommy and Me classes...not really at all, ever. I do miss art at Wilmette Community Center with Jan. But, I miss Mommy and Me. Naps. Hugs. Pulling them out of the car enabled you to kiss them quick.
So, here is a fun game to play using the book, Love You Forever. Last Spring, Builder and I played Bingo at the school fair for about four hours. The first prize he grabbed..and I knew he would...I guess I do have hope...was a stuffed bunny that looked identical to the bunny in Love You Forever. Needless to say, I was thrilled.
He took the bunny to overnight camp and sleeps with it every night. He really does love me? Maybe? So, tonight, he took the bunny and threw it at me from his loft bed. I threw it back and said, "Love You Forever." He smiled and threw it back and said, "Love You Forever." I threw it back and said, "Love You Forever...even though you say swear words at me." And so it went...back and forth. He loved it. I was acknowledging that he does a lot of really trying behaviors...but we still love him. He tried to come up with reasons to fault me or not like me..but luckily he couldn't. Well at least they were not fact based.
Here's to hope. And acknowledging the bad behavior is not acceptable. And that the child within is.
So, here is a fun game to play using the book, Love You Forever. Last Spring, Builder and I played Bingo at the school fair for about four hours. The first prize he grabbed..and I knew he would...I guess I do have hope...was a stuffed bunny that looked identical to the bunny in Love You Forever. Needless to say, I was thrilled.
He took the bunny to overnight camp and sleeps with it every night. He really does love me? Maybe? So, tonight, he took the bunny and threw it at me from his loft bed. I threw it back and said, "Love You Forever." He smiled and threw it back and said, "Love You Forever." I threw it back and said, "Love You Forever...even though you say swear words at me." And so it went...back and forth. He loved it. I was acknowledging that he does a lot of really trying behaviors...but we still love him. He tried to come up with reasons to fault me or not like me..but luckily he couldn't. Well at least they were not fact based.
Here's to hope. And acknowledging the bad behavior is not acceptable. And that the child within is.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Boy-o-BoY
Boy-o-Boy...emphasis on the Y. The Y chromosome that is. You know the cute expression, "He's all boy!" I now know what this means. To be clear, I am not soliciting for sympathy, pity, or a straight jacket. I have always wanted all boys, 4 of 'em. I now have 2, but if I apply the Builder multiplier, it feels more like 11.
I grew up with girls, but my best buds were often boys. I hitched along on the coattails of older boys as the "adopted" little sis in high school. In my opinion, boys were just better than girls. Simple. No tricks, games, deceit, chit-chat, or gossip. Plus, they were always doing fun things like switching street signs late at night or park district pool hopping.
As a mom of young boys, I got over my initial intimidation of their tremndous energy when I saw how easy it was to entertain them. Spin some wheels, crash some cars, and make a new train track everyday. Combine that with 90% time spent outdoors in mud, sand, or snow and there's the day.
But now, they are nine and ten. I'm not good at video games or disassembling explosives. Plus, they have their own agendas. The essence of boy...which is really-- "Who cares?" is coming out. They would rather be with friends or investigating new ways to throw something into trees.
Put away laundry? Lift the seat? Flush? Wash hands? Homework? Why bother?
I am convinced those with the Y chromosome live fully in 5 minute increments of time. Anything before or after that...seems...so..so what. It's over. It's a little hard to live with on a daily basis. But I am trying.
Because really, daily hygiene versus planning the next big experiment or life-threatening adventure? The answer is always Y Not? Y not try to drill the top of pen cap on top of the fabric couch in the family room?
I grew up with girls, but my best buds were often boys. I hitched along on the coattails of older boys as the "adopted" little sis in high school. In my opinion, boys were just better than girls. Simple. No tricks, games, deceit, chit-chat, or gossip. Plus, they were always doing fun things like switching street signs late at night or park district pool hopping.
As a mom of young boys, I got over my initial intimidation of their tremndous energy when I saw how easy it was to entertain them. Spin some wheels, crash some cars, and make a new train track everyday. Combine that with 90% time spent outdoors in mud, sand, or snow and there's the day.
But now, they are nine and ten. I'm not good at video games or disassembling explosives. Plus, they have their own agendas. The essence of boy...which is really-- "Who cares?" is coming out. They would rather be with friends or investigating new ways to throw something into trees.
Put away laundry? Lift the seat? Flush? Wash hands? Homework? Why bother?
I am convinced those with the Y chromosome live fully in 5 minute increments of time. Anything before or after that...seems...so..so what. It's over. It's a little hard to live with on a daily basis. But I am trying.
Because really, daily hygiene versus planning the next big experiment or life-threatening adventure? The answer is always Y Not? Y not try to drill the top of pen cap on top of the fabric couch in the family room?
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
10 in 2010
Ten years ago today, we picked up our healthy infant boy from Catholic Charities. He is so tall now and such a big boy; it is hard to believe, when I look at him, he is ten. Although, just today when I looked in the rear view mirror of the car, I got to see his little baby face again. He was looking at his brother, his mind going a mile a minute and trying to figure out what to say or do next.
After dinner tonight, DH and I were in the kitchen and I said we were going to celebrate his adoption day or "gotcha day" rather...it took six months for the actual adoption. Builder popped around the corner, smiling, and said, "You mean ten years since I joined you?" We laughed and said, "Yes." I commented on his super sensitive ears. He can hear like a bat; one of the first indications of his sensory issues.
The past nine years have been nothing like I imagined. The first year, yes, probably too good to be true...my Dad named him Cruise Control- he was so easy.
However, maybe I should have been wiser. Anyone having children should have no prior idea of what their life will be like. Ever. Anyone breathing, for that matter. It can change on a dime, as my friend said this weekend.
I am still musing on Builder's terminology "when I joined you". For some reason Mork from Mork and Mindy comes to mind http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mork_&_Mindy. Mork showed up and observed life. He reminds me of my child. Builder showed up and observed life. He taught us not everyone is the same. Not everyone is on the same page. Some people are indeed dancing to a different drum. His drum just happens to have a lot of duct tape, a rat, and not a lot of homework done. And a missing gym shirt.
After dinner tonight, DH and I were in the kitchen and I said we were going to celebrate his adoption day or "gotcha day" rather...it took six months for the actual adoption. Builder popped around the corner, smiling, and said, "You mean ten years since I joined you?" We laughed and said, "Yes." I commented on his super sensitive ears. He can hear like a bat; one of the first indications of his sensory issues.
The past nine years have been nothing like I imagined. The first year, yes, probably too good to be true...my Dad named him Cruise Control- he was so easy.
However, maybe I should have been wiser. Anyone having children should have no prior idea of what their life will be like. Ever. Anyone breathing, for that matter. It can change on a dime, as my friend said this weekend.
I am still musing on Builder's terminology "when I joined you". For some reason Mork from Mork and Mindy comes to mind http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mork_&_Mindy. Mork showed up and observed life. He reminds me of my child. Builder showed up and observed life. He taught us not everyone is the same. Not everyone is on the same page. Some people are indeed dancing to a different drum. His drum just happens to have a lot of duct tape, a rat, and not a lot of homework done. And a missing gym shirt.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Unorthodox is OK
The topic is vacation. Cue the music and relaxing scenes. Happy family by beach or pool, frolicking in the water. Maybe the parents are just sipping frozen drinks while the kids are in the Super-Fun Kid Club! Wish it could be me and mine. Alas, not so practical. For the past five to seven years, the husband and I have primarily vacationed without each other. And I think it has saved our marriage and family. No, truly.
I have felt guilty and ashamed this has been going on while the rest of the normal families vacationed happily and cheerfully around us. I felt jealous, they were bonding more than our unorthodox family. I felt, if only, we could all go together, it would be great and just what we needed.
You know what? It isn't. Nope not one bit... the last thing my family needs is more together time. Really.
We bust are "us" together during every week of the year. My husband and I communicate about every nuance of Builder and Bounce. All we need is some serious down time.
This not my childhood; where Dad was rarely home except to take us on Spring Break and Summer vacation. Nope, Dad is here every step of the way, every painful step of life we take, Dad is there. Mom is there is there to deal patiently every day after school, while we struggle mightily with completing 3 pages of work. We are exhausted. The last thing we need is to be together as a family more than we already are.
I want to sleep solidly without hearing snoring. I want to wake up and not mediate a fight. I want to hear nothing.
I love my family with every ounce of my being. But I do not want to vacation with them as a whole. Me and the boys with my gal pals and all their kids....Count Me In. Me and the boys with Dad and Jeanne...Count Me In! Me and the Dad...Count Me In. Me and all of my boys...count me with a prior engagement.
Only because I love them all so much! I'm pretty sure my husband is also OK with our unorthodox arrangement. He recently turned the packed car around after an hour and a half with us in the car. It's not just OK. It's all good.
I have felt guilty and ashamed this has been going on while the rest of the normal families vacationed happily and cheerfully around us. I felt jealous, they were bonding more than our unorthodox family. I felt, if only, we could all go together, it would be great and just what we needed.
You know what? It isn't. Nope not one bit... the last thing my family needs is more together time. Really.
We bust are "us" together during every week of the year. My husband and I communicate about every nuance of Builder and Bounce. All we need is some serious down time.
This not my childhood; where Dad was rarely home except to take us on Spring Break and Summer vacation. Nope, Dad is here every step of the way, every painful step of life we take, Dad is there. Mom is there is there to deal patiently every day after school, while we struggle mightily with completing 3 pages of work. We are exhausted. The last thing we need is to be together as a family more than we already are.
I want to sleep solidly without hearing snoring. I want to wake up and not mediate a fight. I want to hear nothing.
I love my family with every ounce of my being. But I do not want to vacation with them as a whole. Me and the boys with my gal pals and all their kids....Count Me In. Me and the boys with Dad and Jeanne...Count Me In! Me and the Dad...Count Me In. Me and all of my boys...count me with a prior engagement.
Only because I love them all so much! I'm pretty sure my husband is also OK with our unorthodox arrangement. He recently turned the packed car around after an hour and a half with us in the car. It's not just OK. It's all good.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
ADD = CARPE DIEM
Carpe Diem. In high school, this was our motto. Seize the day. Live each moment. I'll admit...it more accurately portrays my college experience. Good times, lots of moments, very little class time. I don't regret a single moment of of those four years. I don't even regret most of the bad choices I made. So, for 2010, I really want to try and embrace the world my son lives in...choosing the present.
He has no choice but to be impulsive and do what he wants to do NOW! His brain works that way. My brain is filled with didn't dos, need to dos, and rules to follow. Boring. Painful. I will need to rethink how important is it to flush? Put your dish away? Do your homework? Not very in his eyes. NOW is the time to build a duct tape snow blower. Eat cheese sticks and throw your wrapper on the floor. Empty a tissue box just because you can use it to make a rat condo. NOW is the time! I am going to start with not harping about the wrapper, tissue box or duct tape remnants. What will you do? Carpe diem!
He has no choice but to be impulsive and do what he wants to do NOW! His brain works that way. My brain is filled with didn't dos, need to dos, and rules to follow. Boring. Painful. I will need to rethink how important is it to flush? Put your dish away? Do your homework? Not very in his eyes. NOW is the time to build a duct tape snow blower. Eat cheese sticks and throw your wrapper on the floor. Empty a tissue box just because you can use it to make a rat condo. NOW is the time! I am going to start with not harping about the wrapper, tissue box or duct tape remnants. What will you do? Carpe diem!
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