It is hard not to be upset by an Asperger's child's behavior. Why? Lots of reasons.

1. It appears selfish.
2. It seems manipulative.
3. It is usually extreme.
4. It appears disrespectful.
5. It feels horrible.

But the catch is, it isn't their fault. It is their wiring. It is their body's way of dealing with a world seen differently. I need to remember this fact, always. I need to never forget it even when their behavior that isn't so nice to people has me upset.
My child does not have crutches, a G-tube, or braces. He looks and acts like a normal 'tween. Totally. No offense, (as he would say in his Tween-speak), but he isn't. It isn't fair to treat him like a regular student, when he can't do the work load. It isn't OK to expect him to act as if he cares about others, when he just doesn't. It isn't OK to expect him to do anything, except what he wants to do.
He will do those other items to for others sometimes; but only if he thinks he gets something for it he wants. As for school, there is really no reason to do any of it in his mind, but he understands as part of the rules of school, you just do it.
From the mundane to the really important, it is I who must internalize how my son thinks.

Big Sigh

I know I was difficult at eleven. Rolled eyes, big sighs, and the very clear implication my mom was the dumbest person on earth. It wasn't enough I would perform those actions and blatant disrespect in front of her, I also journaled about it. Some things never change, I guess. Here I am venting about being on the other side; even as I clearly remember those feelings of Tweenness. I really thought I would handle it better being on the other side. As the mom, I am handling well enough, smiling through most of it. Providing empathy as appropriate, or just walking away from the disdain. Or sending the disdain back to his room. On the occasions I confront him about his super disrespect or inappropriate tone/manner, I am greeted by "OK, smart one." Well...now we are getting somewhere I think to myself. I believe he is trying to call me a "smart aleck" but his Aspie brain just won't let him. He doesn't have a definition for aleck. And truly, neither do I. The only Alec I knew was in college and really a very nice young man. Never disrespectful. However, a smart alec is someone very smart or clever, and at times irritating. I am guessing "smart one" has the same definition in my son's book. And my mom's. Big sigh. Sorry mom.